Fellowship

Wow! It’s been a really long time since I’ve updated. Sorry! That probably means this will be a long post. I will try my best to be as concise as possible. I will start with the overall updates first.

Things have been going really well at the Lerato House (the shelter for girls). There have been three new girls added within the past 2 weeks so they number is up to 14. Laura and I go every Monday and Thursday now. Monday is devoted to devotionals/Bible study as well as hanging out, and Thursdays are just for hanging out. It’s been great getting to know the girls more and more and to see them become more comfortable with us. We have been trying to get some one-on-one time with different girls because we feel like that is when growth will happen. It’s hard to really connect with them when everyone is around…especially since they end up speaking in their languages about 90% of the time. We have also gotten to know more about their histories and why some of them have come to live there. Some of it is really tough stuff! I don’t know how some of them keep going! It’s amazing to me and a huge testament of their strength…and God’s strength working through them. I know He is with them and has brought each of them to the Lerato House for a reason. I truly feel so blessed and privileged to get to spend time with them each week. Prayer request: that the barriers of language, culture, differences in backgrounds (specifically their difficult backgrounds) wouldn’t actually be barriers.

Monday, June 16 the apprentices were in charge of hosting a Braai (bbq) in a nearby park. This was a nation-wide holiday (Youth Day) so most people had off from work and the kids were off from school. The event was to go along with our Inviting Posture. All of us, including staff, invited guests to come hang out with us, play soccer, and enjoy yummy food! It was a huge success and we had lots of fun…I think about 70 people were there! Laura and I went to pick up our girls to come hang out. I think they really enjoyed getting away from the house for the day…as they usually just laze around the house when they have days off. Below was going to be a picture from the day of me, Laura and the girls…but the internet was acting up. Sorry! (See the other link that I sent out.)

I am starting to feel like the door to get involved in the activist side of the anti-trafficking movement may be closing. I have yet to meet again with the lady at the Tshwane Leadership Foundation. I also had a meeting set up with someone else this past Tuesday and it fell through. We have set another meeting for next Tuesday so we’ll see. If it doesn’t pan out from there then I am going to stop pursuing it at this time. I don’t think it’s a closed door forever…just for this time. There are so many things we are responsible for here each day, and I don’t want to spread myself too thin. Volunteering at the Lerato House, spending time with my community, working through any assignments I have from “class”, and spending time with God keeps me pretty busy.

This past weekend we hosted a Taste and See for our NieuCommunities site. There are many people we are connected with here, and they are always asking, “So, what do you do?” There are also those that are asking, “How can we do ‘church’ differently?” It was a really great weekend. We gave people a small glimpse into what we do here, and we had some great conversations about how we can be the church in South Africa and what that should look like. There is a lot of work yet to be done, but I think things are moving in the right direction. There are a lot of people here excited about getting back to the basics of Christianity and who are excited about seeing a change.

I guess what’s left is the personal part to the update. It’s been an interesting time for me the past month or so. I went through a time of doubting and questioning lately…of my faith, my place here, my purpose. It was really tough. I am here to serve God, be with God, learn more about God (while living in community and serving others), but I didn’t feel like doing any of that. I wasn’t sure where it came from either. I was left to search and question and try to get back to where I had been before…in love with God and running full force after Him. I wasn’t sure how to get there though. I just kind of sat in the feelings for a while. I truly didn’t know which direction to walk and I wasn’t sure I wanted to move. It was interesting though because in all my doubting and questioning I would still go to God. I knew He was there…I knew He always would be. I could never even begin to deny Him. I just really wanted to feel His presence…I wanted to feel excited about my faith again.

When the doubts first started happening, I somehow knew it was just going to be for a time. I knew when I got to the other side of it that I would be chasing after God in a new way again, and I looked forward to that! I had been in valleys before, but they still stink. They are still never where you want to be…even if you know you will learn great things from them in the end. Two weekends ago we went on a retreat. It was a great time for me. I was finally ready (and knew it would probably happen that weekend) to get back on track with God; to start seeking Him again.

On the retreat, I read a book about the Trinity called “The Great Dance”. It was actually life changing for me. It opened my eyes to how the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit interact and how we have been invited into that their circle…into their dance. The Trinity is all about fellowship, and by Jesus coming to Earth and becoming fully human, we were allowed to be apart of that. It’s really beautiful. I realized more and more (as I have been realizing here the past 5 months) that being a Christian is all about fellowship. Jesus came and spent time with people…ate with them…cried with them…laughed with them…stayed with them. It’s such a small gesture sometimes, but it can be the most important one as well. God wants me (my fellowship) and he also wants me to fellowship with those around me…family, friends, insiders, outsiders, widows, poor, orphans, everyone! God is a God of relationships. I had realized throughout my time of questioning that I was in mind game with God. I was trying to reason Him out in my head, try to figure Him out, and have all my questions answered. I knew I was headed down the wrong path with that, but I didn’t know how to stop it. I am so glad to be back on the path of fellowship with God…which is right where He wants me. Cheesy…I know…but I am glad to be apart of The Great Dance.

I have been reading a ton in the Old Testament which has been helping a great deal as well. It has been good to get back to God…back to how it all began. At times the Old Testament can seem daunting and overwhelming to read. A friend of mine here and I are really challenging each other to be intentional with our Old Testament reading. It has been great! I encourage you to dive into it! There is some good stuff in there…and some comical stuff as well.

Well…there it is! The super long update. I hope it wasn’t too confusing! It has been hard to get all these thoughts down and try to make them clear. I have actually been working on this post for a few days. I will leave you with a quote by a well-liked author around our house…Pete Rollins. It says in a nutshell why I love this community I live in!

“In contrast to the view that evangelism is that which gives an answer for those who are asking, we must have faith to believe that those who seek will find for themselves. If this is true, then the job of the Church is not to provide an answer…but rather to help encourage the religious questions to arise…One of the roles of the Church is provide a sacred place for this exploration.” (Peter Rollins, “How (Not) to Speak of God, pg. 40-41)

Much LOVE!

manda

The Girls and Faith

This is a post I know not where to begin. Things have been fairly slow lately…we had a week off from “studies” and just chilled around the house/town most of the time. It’s been a nice week of relaxing, but I am ready to get back on schedule. This coming week most of our scheduled time will be taken up with a conference of Sacred Romance. A local couple, who are very good friends of NieuCommunities, will be doing the conference. I am looking forward to it! I have never gotten to read the books by John Eldredge (besides Captivating which he co-authored with this wife), but I have heard good things about them and this conference! If you want to know more you can go to this link.

Last week, May 13^th-15^th, I had the opportunity to stay with the girls I will be working with throughout the rest of my time here. They live in a fairly nice home. It has 2 bigger bedrooms where the girls sleep (3 sets of bunk beds in each) and a smaller bedroom where the house mother sleeps (there are 3 moms that rotate throughout the weeks). They also have a homework room, a small living room, a kitchen, and one bathroom. Yes…one bathroom for 10 girls and a house mom! But, they seem to manage fine and that bathroom is probably a lot nicer than the ones they are accustomed to. All in all, a great place for the girls to live.

The time with the girls was great! We hung out with the staff during the day while they were at school (and even got to do one day of prison outreach). Then, we hung with the girls from about 3:00 on doing homework or just getting to know them more. We watched movies with them at night…which they really loved! I think it was a great treat for them. They cooked us dinner, which was so nice! Sometimes it’s hard to accept the great treatment we are given. They always want to give us the biggest portions, the best food, and the nicest things. One girl even gave up her bed for me! It makes me wonder why they do it. Is it just because we are a guest? Is it just in their nature/culture to be so hospitable? I am not totally sure the reasons, but it’s always really sweet to see…and makes me think of how I treat my guests!

As I stayed there with the girls I felt such joy! As we sat around watching movies I could see the little girls inside of them…the little girls that have been stolen away by poverty, abuse, neglect. I could see how much they enjoyed just being girls, with no worries, no hurt, no pain…just girls. So many hard times and struggles have already come their way, yet, I could see the light in them that Jesus sees. I could feel the joy in knowing that they are His. They are precious in His sight. I pray that they are or become precious in the sight of those around them…including themselves. Please pray for the 10 girls at the Lerato House…as well as the house moms. They are all in need…in one way or another! Thank you so much!

I did not get to meet with Wilna last Tuesday from the Tshwane Leadership Foundation…who works on trafficking. She got tied up with something else and had to cancel our meeting. I will admit that I was super frustrated by her cancellation. She is an extremely busy woman, but there are times here when people just cancel things and think nothing of it…or are really late to meetings. Everyone jokes about things being on Africa time, but it’s true! As a Westerner it can be one of the hardest things to get used to! It’s hard not to take things personally and to not feel unappreciated. But, I am still praying that the meeting comes about in the very near future. When I spoke with her on the phone she seemed excited to meet and get things going further with trafficking in South Africa…she didn’t seem to think there was near enough being done. So, please pray that the meeting would take place soon and that I would be patient in the mean time! God’s timing…right? :)

Personally, I have been in a rote place spiritually. I think in part it has been the week off. I tend to get in a bit of slump when I don’t have a steady schedule of sorts. I can get extremely unmotivated. But, lately, I seem to have been questioning the nearness of God. I don’t always know what to make of that. Sometimes I just wonder how He can know me…how He can care about me…how He can know what’s going on in my life…how He can be close to me while He feels so far. I know it’s not always about Him feeling close…about me hearing from Him…about always being on a spiritual high. Hebrews 11:1 tells us, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” I love that verse but had a hard time grasping it for the longest time. I actually read a sermon by John Piper once which helped clarify things for me…click here to read it. I just reread it myself and this in particular stood out this time… “In other words, faith grasps - lays hold of - God's preciousness so firmly that in the faith itself there is the substance of the goodness and the sweetness promised. Faith doesn't create what we hope for - that would be a mere mind game. Faith is a spiritual apprehending or perceiving or tasting or sensing of the beauty and sweetness and preciousness and goodness of what God promises - especially his own fellowship, and the enjoyment of his own presence.” I know that God is with me…ALWAYS! I trust in that and take hold of it. Sometimes it’s just difficult when I don’t feel him close and have to rely purely on Faith. I choose to Believe.

Thank you to all for your continued prayers! I think about my family and friends often and continue to feel the blessing of having you journey with me.

Much Love,

manda

God's Timing

Waiting on God…Trusting He has a plan…believing that His timing is best. These are all things that I have been thinking about a lot lately….sometimes in frustration and sometimes in praise of God. Recently, I have been reflecting quite a bit on God’s timing throughout this past year of my life, especially with things since I have been in South Africa.

A year ago, I never thought I would quit teaching and move to South Africa. But, God placed on my heart the desire to pursue missions and to seek out what it means to live that life. So, I quit my job with nothing in the works and with enough money to live for a couple of months. God continued to provide for me with subbing jobs and the money kept stretching just long enough. I never would have heard about NieuCommunities/CRM had I not been invited to go on a missions retreat by friends. The amazing part is that I had previously prayed that God would bring me a job or at least a firm direction by the end of October…the retreat was the end of October! By that time I was finally ready to put my own agenda aside to fully pursue missions and do whatever God wanted. Little did I know at the time that I would be going to South Africa for a year! But, God made it clear to me that this was where I needed to be, and He made it all possible for me to make it here within 2 months of hearing about the trip. God’s timing…amazing!

Shortly after arriving in South Africa we started the listening posture. I started to become frustrated with the idea of finding where I wanted to serve. I didn’t know where to begin and I really wanted to hear from God. I so badly wanted to feel needed here, and I wanted to feel like I was being used by God to further His Kingdom. We spent a long time visiting ministries and waiting to hear from God. As soon as I walked into the Lerato House I knew it was where God wanted me. Instantly all my anxieties about finding the right ministry vanished. I felt so much peace and it was awesome to know that I had waited to hear from God and not just picked a ministry that seemed ok. By finding the Lerato House, I was also reminded of my passion to see the end of Human Trafficking. I had heard about it in the Fall of 2006 at my church and knew I wanted to be apart of the movement. But, I didn’t know how that would ever come about. Since being here though, it is all starting to come together! Working at the Lerato House gives me a chance to walk through life with girls who are affected by trafficking, prostitution, drugs, or other abusive situations. I am also (hopefully!!!) going to talk with and learn from a woman here who is involved with the trafficking movement full time. (She works for the ministry that the Lerato House is based out of). This will give me the chance to learn more about the advocacy side of trafficking as well! Our Lord is an amazing weaver of lives!!! God’s timing…amazing!!

We are about to be in our last week of the submerging posture…I can’t believe it! Time is really flying by. You may remember that I spent a few days out in the township living with a family there and submerging into the culture. Well, for this next week, we had the assignment of finding our own place to submerge and making the connections ourselves. At first, I was very frustrated because, at the time, I hadn’t been able to get started at the Lerato House, and thought my submerging experience would be pointless. But, yesterday, Laura (another apprentice who will be working at the Lerato House) and I had a meeting with the social worker and outreach coordinator at the Lerato House. We FINALLY set a schedule with them and will even get to stay with them next week from Tuesday-Thursday! So, we will get to see the daily lives of the girls and get to spend concentrated time with them. I think it will be a great time of building the foundations of our relationships with them. I am very excited for it! God’s timing…amazing!!!

Laura and I will be leading devotions on Monday evenings…doing homework and hanging on Tuesday evenings…doing outreach on Wednesday morning/afternoons…and street outreach on Wednesday nights. We went on the first outreach with them last night. There is a group of about 3-4 women (and one guy who drives them…for the past 7 years!!!) who go out and meet with women who are caught up in the vicious cycle of prostitution. They bring them coffee/tea/cold drinks and just talk with them for a bit. They tell them about the Lerato House at some point, but they don’t press the matter. They just go out and build relationships with them, don’t judge them, and trust that God will move in His amazing way. It takes a long time to build up the relationships enough for the girls to open up to them, but they go out every Wednesday and consistently meet with the women. It is an amazing ministry and I feel so blessed to be apart of it and to have the chance to minister to these women. It’s also really cool to know that the young women/girls we will be working with at the Lerato house have been saved from that lifestyle (most of them anyway…not all) and that the street outreach really works…even if I don’t see the fruits of it in all the times I go. God’s timing…amazing!!!!

So, in all these examples of God’s amazing timing, how can I still doubt? How can I still wonder if things will work out? How can I still worry about “tomorrow”? How come I can’t just trust that God will make all things workout in His perfect timing, in His perfect way, and in the way that will be best for me? I don’t know! But what I do know is that God never leaves me throughout my times of doubt, frustration, and worry. He is still right here working things out and moving in my life. He is still guiding me and loving me and watching over me. I am thankful for a faithful Father, a perfect Planner, and merciful, gracious God. I challenge you to look back on a certain amount of time in your life. Do you see times in which God has moved or worked things out in His perfect timing? You might be surprised to find all the areas in which He has moved…even in times when you were frustrated, anxious, or even angry. Look for Him. Trust Him.

Prayer requests:

--that I would trust God’s timing

--that I would be able to truly connect with the girls at the Lerato House and any women I meet during the outreach times

--that my agenda would be put aside and I would allow God to direct my steps

--that we would have a cover of safety during our outreach times

Thanks in advance for the prayers! As always…pass any requests along to me as well!!

Much love,

manda :)

“You are at Home"

Once again, there are many thoughts running through my mind as I write this. One thing I have realized about this place/experience is that it makes me think constantly!!! I don’t think there is a moment that goes by that I am not thinking about something, whether it’s about an experience, a conversation, a book, etc. It’s great though as I am learning so much…about God, myself, those in my community, how to live in a community itself, and what is means to be a Christian. I must admit…these are not always easy things!

However, I still live in the peace that this is 100% where God wants me right now. We are not promised easy times throughout our walk as a Christian, in fact, the Bible plainly tells us that we will have troubles… "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) This is just one of the many times we are told that we will have pain, struggles, or troubles. But, we can take heart…Jesus has overcome the world! We can live with a sense of peace because we know that God is in control, “and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28)…but that doesn’t always mean it will be easy. All that to say…even if things are tough here at times, I can find peace in knowing that I am following God and that He has my best interests at heart. I say all that, but things aren’t bad right now. They are really good!!! They are just challenging and tough mentally and spiritually at times…which is a good thing.

Random tangent but I wanted to express again how amazing this experience has really been so far. This is a place where I have been stretched, grown, challenged, and taught. This is a place where I have been loved. This is a place where I am allowed to think, learn, and ask questions. This is a place where I can serve others and be served. This is a place where we are poured into while pouring into our community. NieuCommunities is a hard thing to explain to others. You can’t fully understand this amazing experience until you experience it firsthand. I wanted to take a minute to thank you again for journeying with me. I am so very blessed by God to have such an amazing network of family and friends who support me the way you all do. God has created us for community and I feel the awesomeness of that to the fullest extent…both at home and here. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!

Lastly…we had an amazing experience in the township this past week and at the same time have been reading a book called “Irresistible Revolution” by Shane Claiborne. This is a book that really makes you think. It brings up the issue of “living with the poor”. More than anything, this book makes you think and ask yourself very tough questions. I don’t think it speaks to everyone in the same way and we can all learn/hear very different things from it. We are learning that through our book discussions. What we have been asking ourselves is…Who are the poor? There are times when we assume people to be poor who really aren’t poor. They might look like they are by our higher standards, but they might live “richer” lives than we ever will. Maybe the “poor” are those around you in nice houses but have no friends and live very lonely, lost lives. So…who are the poor to you?

Living with my “family” in the township opened my eyes to what poor isn’t. I lived with Emily and Solomon and their 3 daughters, Pretty-16, Precious-8, and Nunghile-almost 4. By the way…they gave me a new African name, Matshidiso, which means welcome. It was great! Their youngest daughter always referred to me by that name which was awesome! (She didn’t speak English besides the occasional American songs she would sing along with!)

This family of 5 lives in a cement house (as compared to the tin shacks around them) that is about the size of a small 2 bedroom apartment in the US. They live on one income and worry about what they will do with their daughter’s education when she graduates from high school next year. (Know anyone like that where you are living??? Yep…me too!) Emily would love a job but can’t find one. Unemployment is a big issue for them. But, they are so happy! They are a great family and have wonderful values. They have a roof over their heads, clothes, food and most importantly, love! If you walked up to their house you would assume they are a poor, impoverished family. But, they aren’t. They have so much and are extremely giving. I was blown away by how “at home” I felt. It was so important to Emily that I feel that way. She kept telling me, “You are at home!” However, even though I know the Emily and Solomon aren’t “poor”, how do I deal with the extreme disparities between the poor, middle and upper classes that exists in this country…and all over? So tough!

See…this place really does keep me thinking…constantly!!! Are you thinking now? I hope so!

Submerging...Drakensberg..Homesickness

A cool quote from Henri Nouwen to start out the update: "But from above, in the eyes of God, sorrow and joy are never separated. Where there is pain, there is also healing. Where this is mourning, there is dancing. Where there is poverty, there is the Kingdom." Just something to ponder on. :)

Another 2 weeks of greatness...well, almost. :) There were a few downer moments throughout these two weeks but overall it was a good time.

We started our Submerging Posture this week. We have been trying to submerge into culture the whole time we have been here, but these next 6 weeks will be much more intentional. Next week, April 8-10th, we will be living in the nearby township Soshanguve. All of us will be put with a family that lives near some of our friends there. It will be a very interesting time of truly diving into culture...but we have heard it's very hard for the families not to treat us as guests. We'll see how that goes! I will definitely update you on that time in my next update as I don't even know what to say about it just yet. :) Prayers would be welcomed though: that I have an open mind, heart, and spirit throughout my stay. In the following weeks we will do another submerging experience but we have yet to know all that will be entailed, except for that it will be something we personally arrange. The rest of this posture is filled with other submerging cultural experiences: soccer games, plays, concerts, hanging out with local friends or in local places, watching/reading the news, etc. It should be a great time of getting to know our surroundings on a much deeper level than we already do, which is important when your are hoping to impact a people group/community.

In the next weeks I am hoping to get a set schedule working at the Lerato House. Sometimes it is difficult to get things going with local ministries, so Laura and I are needing to have some persistence right now. But, we are being patient in trusting that God is in control. I am also looking into getting more involved with human-trafficking beyond what the Lerato House does. I am really excited about that. I am even planning a Friday night worship for my group that will have a "Not for Sale" theme. This is a group I heard about in the Fall of 2006 at my local church. They are heavily involved with the human-trafficking/abolitionist movement in the US and internationally. Click here to learn more about them. It's pretty awesome!

In the last week I have felt a bit homesick...which has been the downside. I really do miss my family a ton! We learned, early on, about some of the symptoms of homesickness, but I had yet to really experience them. This week they began to sink in. I didn't really feel like hanging out much with everyone and wanted to just hang out in my room...and watch DVDs on my laptop. :) I love the people I am with tremendously and feel extremely blessed that it has worked out so well with that. But, sometimes there's nothing like home. Though I know this time will pass I would greatly appreciate your prayers. "When you know yourself to be the beloved, and when you have friends around you with whom you live in community, you can do anything." Henri Nouwen I love this quote and am clinging to that right now. I definitely feel loved by God, my friends here, and my family and friends back home. Because of that...I have the strength to stick it out through the tough times.

Lastly, we took a trip to the Drakensberg March 27-30th. At the end of each posture we have a weekend of reflection and/or travel. It was great to get away and see a new part of South Africa. The Drakensberg are amazing!!! We hiked through a part called Giants Castle and I couldn't believe my eyes! I felt like we had found a secret place that no one else had been to. (It helped that we were the only ones out there at that time!) It looked straight out of The Lord of the Rings. We didn't want to leave! I will put a few pictures here but I am going to set up an online photo album soon so that I can share more of them. Truly amazing! It was also just a good time of hanging out with all the apprentices away from our normal life/routine.

Current reading:
Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne
Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Thanks so much for keeping up with me, praying for me, encouraging me, and being excited for me. I continue to be amazed at the number of people God has put into my life that can show me love and support. It's a great feeling!

Much love and prayers to all!

manda :)

Church (2nd part to update)

What is Church? What does it mean to you personally? Since living in South Africa I have been thinking about that a lot. Our community has a big emphasis on being the church in all we do in everyday activities. It's really great! But, it has been hard to think of church outside the box and not just a Sunday thing. Today we had a Good Friday service (we will also have a day of reflection on Saturday and a service on Easter Sunday). Although I have enjoyed all of our Friday "church" services, this one really moved me. We had a lot of people joining us tonight: friends of staff, others who are involved with our community regularly, apprentices from 2005 who were here for the conference, and about 10 twentyish year olds from the township who are mentored by one of the staff members. It was a really moving service...probably one of the best ones I have attended for Good Friday recently. (I actually helped lead a worship song for the first time...it was great!) However, after service about 5 of us took our leftover food out to some of the people who live on the streets in our city's town center. That was really moving! They were so grateful! After that the township boys took over the piano. They were singing and dancing and just showing off. It was pretty great! After those two things I thought, "This is what church is really about: being a community while serving your community...both in giving food out, giving those in our "community" a safe, welcoming place to come to, and worship our God together." Just some thoughts I was having on Church. I hope it was interesting to read and think about. :)

manda

Conference and Listening

Sorry it’s been awhile since I’ve updated. Well, not too long but I guess a lot has been going on here. So…sorry in advance that this will be a long one again!

On March 7^th, we started receiving our guests for the NieuCommunities conference, and they were all here by March 9^th. This began 3 days of service on the part of the apprentices. We were allowed to attend the conference when we were able to…as it was held in our house…but we had odd jobs to attend to as well, like babysitting and getting lunch prepared. I was on the transportation team so I got to put my driving skills to the test! I made countless runs to the airport between arrivals and departures. I also drove some of the conference attendees around town throughout the afternoons. I can’t believe that just 2 months ago I was picked up from the airport and everything was so foreign! Now I can get there and back no problem! Except for the time I turned out of the gas station onto the wrong side of the road!!! It took me a couple of seconds to realize why it felt so wrong to be in that lane…yet so right at the same time! I guess the car turning onto that road into my lane clued me in real fast! Luckily, I was able to get out of that one with no problems. I think that’s the only main flaw in my South African driving record so far!

Hosting the NieuCommunities conference was awesome! It was such a bonus…and blessing… for us apprentices that it happened to fall on our year and in South Africa. We got to see the bigger picture of CRM and NieuCommunities and get a good feel for the bigger family that we are apart of. We met some amazing people and got to hear some great stories. Some of the men and women working for CRM have been at this for awhile and not all of their stories are good ones. One of the main themes of the conference was that we are all called to be Apprentices of Jesus and that this comes with a cost. It really made me think. What will my cost be? Will I be ready to pay it? What will my future hold? Sometimes it makes me really excited to see what’s ahead in following God on this journey and other times I’m scared. But, I just keeping taking this one step at a time. Right now, I am in South Africa still enjoying every second of the journey I am currently on…well, almost every second. The president of CRM was at our conference and gave a wonderful talk about suffering and the cost of following the Cross. One thing he gave us to think about was, “If I had been spared ____________, I would have missed out on God’s best for my life.” That’s an interesting statement to think about. I had a really difficult last year of teaching, but if I had been spared it I wouldn’t be where I am right now. Has there been a tough time in your life that you can now see as something God has used for good?

Although the conference was good, I did have a few days of feeling really down. I wasn’t sure why though…which can be very frustrating. I am still learning to listen to God more and work through those times. My usual routine is to just push past those times and not think through them. It’s tough to get down to the root of things sometimes! I think one of the things making me sad at odd times is just feeling homesick from time to time and really missing my family and friends! Another thing that upset me was that Petunia, the woman I spoke of last time, lost a sister very suddenly last week. This was the 4^th sibling she has lost! There are now 3 of them left! Please pray for their family that they would find comfort in God through this time of confusion and pain.

Next week we will be concluding our Listening posture. It’s been a great 6 weeks, though pretty tough at times. In the beginning, I felt like I was truly emptied so that I could be built back up the way God wanted. I started out feeling like I had nothing to offer and I constantly focused on what I did wrong instead of seeing areas in which I was gifted or maybe just needed to work on. That was tough! Now, I am beginning to see more and more how God has gifted me…thanks to a bunch of personality tests we have taken (among other things)! Although they can be draining they are very insightful! One of the main verses I continue to hold onto is Psalm 139, especially the part about being wonderfully made. I now see that God has made me just as he wants me. I don’t need to be jealous of other’s gifts in my community. I have something unique to offer. The other great part is that I am definitely beginning to feel more bold and courageous through His strength. When we read a book on spiritual temperaments I scored high in the Activist category but I was only medium-low in the practicing of it. I think a part of that was not feeling worthy, that I didn’t have anything to offer, or that I wasn’t a leader in that way. Now I feel like God can use me and I have the courage to take some steps I may not have in the past.

Because of these feelings, I am much more excited to start my ministry work. I am going back to talk with the girls’ home in downtown Pretoria called the Lerato House…which I know I have spoken of before. I really feel like this is where God is calling me. I am also excited to get involved with the anti-trafficking movement, which the Lerato House is apart of. Human trafficking hurts my heart so much and I want to be apart of stopping it! So, as we exit the Listening posture we will enter the Submerging posture and really dive into our ministries. I look forward to giving you updates soon on how things go in that area!

Today began our celebration of Easter. For Holy Thursday we celebrated the Last Supper with the traditional Sedar meal. It was really interesting as I had never done that before. I recommend everyone celebrating this at least once! It’s really fun to remember where we all came from as a Christian community by looking at Jewish history/traditions. Tomorrow we will be having a Good Friday service at Pangani (my home) as well as a day of reflection on Saturday and an Easter service on Sunday morning…followed by a community breakfast. It should be a wonderful weekend! I pray that you all encounter Jesus in a special way throughout this Easter weekend.

Here in South Africa we are entering into Fall. From last Thursday night through yesterday (wed.) we had pouring down rain and really cold weather! It was crazy! Just \ days before we had hot, beautiful weather. Because of that rain though, Fall has set in. We had a gorgeous day today but it wasn’t too hot out, which was really nice! Winter might be a bit tough here since there is no central heating, but I think this Southerner will survive.

Ok, I think that’s all I have…for now. Thanks so much for reading and keeping up with me…if you are still reading. I hope all is well on your end of the world!

Much love and prayers!

manda